I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
