I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
