Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
