i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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