My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
