i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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