ugly people sure do ruin things
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
