the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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