Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
