When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
