I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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