so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
