The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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