It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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