his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
