So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
