We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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