just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you didnt know i had herpes?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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