I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
no you cant smoke seaweed
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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