Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
