peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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