we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We are two peas in an std pod
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
