I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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