honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
