I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
no you cant smoke seaweed
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
