Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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