Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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