I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Randomize
