look no pants
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
