Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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