It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
