My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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