and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
