"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
