I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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