is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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