After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
