What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
