I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
