i love accidental penises.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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