I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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