Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i wish my penis had a tongue
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
