and you said cock pushups were impossible
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
