I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
