I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
