I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
