is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
