I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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