this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
