He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
