I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
